Every stripe

After a time a difficulty and struggling with the questions of " What else could we have done?" and heartache. I marvelled at the extent of heartache I actually felt... Intellectually I knew how to react and what to do, spiritually I've learnt more on my knees before the Lord than ever before but emotionally I was caught off guard.

As I surrendered the situation to Him last wednesday I had my own God encounter in my room as He personally tutored me in His word, lessons from 2 Samuel when King David was driven out of Jerusalem by his own son Absalom. When fleeing King David met 2 men, one was Ziba the servant of Mephibosheth(Jonathan's son, grandson of King Saul) and the other Shimei. Ziba slandered his master Mephibosheth claiming that he had betrayed David by wishing his reign came to an end because of Saul. King David was so distraught at that time that he did not question it but gave Ziba all that belonged to Mephibosheth.

Later on King David came across a man names Shimei, who cursed King David and his people. Instead of putting the man to death he was overwhelmed by the betrayal by his son that he just ignored it and allowed the man to continue.

The story continues later with King David returned to Jerusalem after Absalom had been murdered by Joab. This time Mephibosheth who had remained loyal to King David by not having cleaned or shaved came to meet him on his return. King David then questioned him why he had not followed him, Mephibosheth then pleads his cause that he as a lame man could not have gone but sent his servant in his stead. Unfortunately, that servant had betrayed him by slandering him before the king. By that time, King David could not take back his words, neither did he know who to believe but asked that they just spilt the land.

He later encountered the man Shimei who had previously cursed him, who pleaded for his life before King David. As it was a celebratory day, he was spared but later on we read that King David ordered Solomon to execute him to prevent further trouble.

What the Lord imparted to me as I read: in emotional distraught, people may come to you with all kinds of stories, find out both sides of the story before u make a judgement if not it will be hard to take back your words. Also, don't be bothered with what others may say against you for the Lord will restore whom He has anointed, He will vindicate you. Lastly, stamp out gossip or slander, don't let it cause disunity or instability.

Woah.. what He taught me over the week, incredible..
Its funny ay? that in the difficult times, when you're the weakest..
His presence I felt closer than ever before, His strength suddenly incredible...

And yet despite the word that was imparted it was the vision of a nail-pierced hand and the heartache that taught me the most. What I had felt was only a tiny portion of how the Lord feels each time someone rejects Him, each time we choose to wilfully sin against Him... I found myself repenting, desiring more to live a life obedient to Him..

" He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities;
The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed.
All we like sheep have gone astray; We have turned, every one , to his own way;
And the Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of us all" - Isaiah 53:5-6

Heartache

You know what causes the heart of a shepherd/leader to hurt the most..
The straying of their sheep...

The weekend has been tough, I found out about things I didn't really want to know, itty-bitty events have caused my knees to give way under the weight.. The events when isolated will not have caused such an impact until cumulated and topped off with a slammer on Sunday.. I prayed Father help me carry this..

Last night I prayed with Fiona, I've never wept in front of her before til then... The voice that spoke to me was, "this is how I feel my daughter when one of u sins against me.. "
Fiona saw a vision of a palm with a nail hammered into it..
Each stripe, each strike was borne for our sin, our iniquity..
The Lord reminded me anew of how He feels whenever each one of us sins against Him. A mixture of hurt, anger mingled with love and longing to have us restored to Him... I dare say, I understand Lord...Help me to see with Your eyes, teach me how to lead Your people for they are Yours.

" Streams of tears flow from my eyes, for Your law is not obeyed." - Psalm 119: 136

Aching.. " I am Your servant; give me discernment that I may understand Your statutes." - Psalm 119: 125

Chasing the impossible ?

Give me one pure and holy passion
Give me one magnificent obsession
Give me one glorious ambition for my life
To know and follow after You

To know and follow hard after you
To grow as Your disciple in Your truth
This world is empty pale and poor compared to knowing You, my Lord
Lead me on and I will run after You..

-One Day Passion

Running hard after God - Psalm 63:8

"I'm not asking you how muh you know about Me. I want to ask you, " Do you really know ME? Do you really want ME?'"

I ask myself that, how hungry am I for God?
Will I clamour, grasp, push and forget my manners to reach Him, to chase Him?
Can I really not care about what other people think of me and just what He thinks of me?

I'm getting more desperate...

Tests and The Lord's promises

Looks like its going to be blogging weekly..
Life in Sydney is busy to the max...work, sheep, caregroup, worship team.. and now TAX claim.. got to figure out how to do it..

I've had an amazing week of doing stuff:
Mon: meet my co-CGL for caregroup discussion then met my unit leader to catch up
Tues: Met up with my colleague for jogging then called the new girls from Hope Singapore to find out how they're going
Wed: Intercession in the morning, met up with my sheep Fiona and then later Jane for shepherding and then surprise Jane for her birthday
Thurs: Clinic catch up with the girls over dinner
Fri: Caregroup. Caught up with crazy michelle who jumped on my bed and unfortunately hit her funny bone. Night brought Jane around to "surprise" Rindy and Mike
Saturday: Intercession. Arvo shepherding with Jasmine, we had so much to catch up on we only finished at 5pm! Then met Jiling for shepherding then cooked dinner for her and spent the night watching Mrs Doubtfire for the 1000th time (thought I still laugh at the funny bits) and ironing my clothes.
Sunday: Playing keyboard with my "new team" the 3 Rhodes boys.. ARGH!!! ok lah .. they're quite cute so its ok.. Came back exhausted.

You know the funny thing is..
In the midst of doing these things for the Lord in view of
Romans 12:1 " offered your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship. "

I wish to say that I love shepherding, caregroup and playing for praise and worship.. that the week that my Unit leader encouraged me to stand firm and to pass the tests to honour my promise to the Lord, these tests suddenly present themselves to me again over the course of this week, I never felt so tempted so weak...

Therefore I want to praise the Lord for His faithfulness.
He strengthened me in His word:

May Your unfailing Love come to me, O lord, your salvation according to your promise, then I will answer the one who taunts me, for I trust in Your word" - Psalm 119:41-42

Take that devil! For everyone of God's promises are Yes and AMeN!
Haha I swiped the devil with the sword of the spirit, the double-edged sword, the weapon of our warfare i.e the word of God.

Thursday : A rainbow

Sign of God's covenant.. His promise... Thank You Jesus..